Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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