Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
