she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
