theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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