Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
