you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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