i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
