i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
