I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
