While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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