What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Say something about gay babies.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
