Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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