I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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