I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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