just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
