I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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