He uses pillows to masturbate.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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