hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
