even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
