Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize