nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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