i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
