i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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