Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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