just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
