I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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