eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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