Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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