The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
