Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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