Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
