i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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