Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
