note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
