"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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