I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
