Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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