so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
