So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
