Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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