life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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