When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize