So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
