Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.

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(305): View more from Florida

Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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(618): View more from Illinois

When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car

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(260): View more from Indiana

He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

(317): View more from Indiana

I know, she tried to drink it

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(320): View more from Minnesota

3pm strippers are depressing

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(808): View more from Hawaii

So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?

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