Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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