She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
