Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
