You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
