i just google imaged poop.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
