Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
