im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize