i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize