The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
