"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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