I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
