You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
birth control should be required to get into college
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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