I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
