I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
