did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
