RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
