Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
