have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
