I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
