i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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