My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
did i just pee glitter
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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