make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
