I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
