cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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