I cannot find my penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
