He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
