I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
