if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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