why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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