I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
