i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
