Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
