1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
