This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have demons in me.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
