I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize