is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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